Saturday, October 21, 2006

Republican Entertainment

The draw of Republican politics has always been in the cult of personality, the entertainment value. If you look at successful, multiterm Republican officials, you'll see a pattern:

Reagan had his bad memory, doddering ways, and predilection for jellybeans.

Dan Quayle couldn't spell, couldn't think, and couldn't help but gaffe. Laughs aplenty there.

George Bush has his dumb nephew demeanor and affinity for bludgeoning the English language.

Dick Cheney gets an honorable mention for being either the worst or best marksman in history, and gets additional bonus points for having his target apologize for causing his family grief!

Nixon had his curmudgeonly hatred of the young and his paranoia, presumably from all the pot that got confiscated during his administration. (Relax, that rumor got floated LOOOONNNGG before that movie 'Dick' was released)

Then look at the one-termers, the wannabes, or the never-was-es:

Newt Gingrich has his pasty-faced troll look down, but rarely says anything of great entertainment import.

George H. W. Bush was possibly the most uncomfortably boring President we ever had. It took an impressionist like Dana Carvey to make him funny. His running mate however, as mentioned, at least kept his administration in contention.

Bob Dole, a.k.a. The Decent and Honest Man, had a pencil shoved in a tragically unfunny way in a useless limb. That was his thing. The pencil.

No comedian ever suffered for his/her art with a Republican in the White House. Oh, sure, Clinton provided a few laughs for us during his tenure, but some people would argue with some merit that he was more of a Republican than a Democrat anyway, and that the only reason the Congressional Republicans went after him is that he didn't want to know the Republican secret handshake. For those interested, it starts out normal enough, then gets rammed up the other's shaker's bung.

So much for that secret. Consider yourself 'scooped', pun miserably intended.

If the neocons really want to shut Bill Maher up a little, they should put Democrats in office, after all, what would he talk about then? Of course, they'd have to vote Democrat to do it, and I'm sure then that the exploding head scene from Scanners will be re-enacted in voting stalls across the country.

So why is there now talk of all of this Democratic takeover of Congress? As below, I believe there is a certain amount of truth to state that the entertainment is over.

Nope, guys like Santorum, Hastert, DeLay, and the whole bunch just aren't funny. Odd, but not funny. Santorum recently increased his odd factor with his Tolkien allegories, but Frodo isn't funny. He's a hobbit. Hobbits aren't funny.

As much as I think it's good media that just about every Republican politician in the Beltway has an upcoming indictment or jail term, that's not comedy. That's CSI: Washington, DC. Good entertainment, but America's looking for a much needed laugh. We're in the general public risibility quotient we'll probably see from the 25th season of The Simpsons. Bart will still be about 12 with a new catchphrase, Lisa will still be an iconoclast, politically-aware nerdiloid, Marge will find something new hiding in her hair, Maggie will suck her pacifier, and Homer will drool.

It must be time to change the channel.

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