(Partial Transcript) Winner Slate's Euphemism Contest

Winner: Ken from Portland

“Sometimes I think my head is just for looks. (His head is just for looks.)”

I was going to write down all the honorable mentions, but it was more of a chore to listen to than I’d anticipated. I ended up skipping ahead, but the ones I did write down are:

Popular:
A few fries short of a happy meal…
His elevator doesn’t go to the top floor…
He’s half a bubble off plumb…
Not the sharpest knife…
The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead…

Metaphors:
One Gilligan short of an island…
One quark short of a proton…
A few steers short of Texas…

Misc:
His faculties will never be tenured…
When he thinks the rest of the world prays…
He’s just as happy as if he had good sense…
He is wisest when quoting others…
He means well…
Will vote for Bush in 2008...

And the one you had to write down to appreciate:

“One delta ten tango.”