Monday, September 11, 2006

9/11 Wasn't That Big of a Deal

That’s right, folks. It’s that time of year already again. Can you believe it’s been 5 years since Saddam Insane drove that airplane into the Sears Towers? I can’t. But it’s hard for me to believe anything or anyone here lately, so it should come as no surprise to anyone that I’m not going to believe that load of horse hockey.

Anyways, The 9/11 Tragedy™ wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean, seriously, think about it:

Not even 3,000 people died

3,000 people isn’t even enough to pass Joe Stalin’s (or was it Lenin’s?) tragedy vs. statistic test. It’s about the same number of people who bought Dan Fogelberg’s latest album.

Those buildings were very ugly anyway

Really ugly. They looked like dominos just waiting to fall. And all that glass was so 1973.

Some of the dead were black people

We, as a society, don’t care about black people. (See The War of Northern Aggression, Ragtime, Edmund Pettis Bridge, Somalia, Rwanda, Darfur, New Orleans, Al Sharpton, &c., and things of that nature…)

We only lost 2 and 1/2 buildings

And they were very ugly buildings, as I’ve stated above. 2 and 1/2 buildings. London lost 2 and 1/2 buildings like every 2 and 1/2 minutes during World War II. And I won’t even mention Dresden.

It was more like 60,000 Jews who died, not 6,000,000

That number has been exaggerated and multiplied since the day of liberation… Er… Wait. That’s for a different post. (“The Holocaust™ Wasn’t That Big of a Deal”)

Pearl Harbor

End of story.

If it’s such a huge tragedy, why is Slate serializing a comic book about it, huh?

I’d be careful though. Sounds like Slate’s very own paulguest has a little “pet peeve” of his own about that subject. (Please note: “fucktard” has been re-replaced by “pinhead” until further notice.)

The Pentagon wasn’t even hit by a terrorist-controlled airplane

It was hit buy a cruise missile. (See Loose Change.)

So, to sum up: The 9/11 Tragedy™ wasn’t that big of a deal because of statistics, London, blacks, yellow devils, “the funny pages”, and government sponsorship of domestic terrorism. (See V for Vendetta. [Again.])

Now get over it already. Please.

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