People have asked, where do I stand on pages?

People have asked, where do I stand on pages? Well, this is an important question, so I will explain my stance: left leg straight, right leg bent with the foot firmly placed on their stomach. Think "Captain Morgan".

Of course, some of you will raise the question of treatment under Geneva, but my acts have been duly approved by the Bush Administration and Congress through legislation, and strictly follow the standards and practices laid out in the government torture manuals I scrutinized, "So You Want to Torture: A Primer" and "Torture Can Be Fun, For Dummies". I also reviewed, "You Moved My Cheese, Prepare to Meet Allah", but found it went too far.