Thursday, November 02, 2006

Q: Mr. President

Q: Thank you Mr. President. On September 17, 2001 you said, "I want justice," "And there's an old poster out West? I recall, that said, 'Wanted, Dead or Alive.'" So my question is, how come, over 5 years later, you haven’t brought Osama bin Laden to justice?

THE PRESIDENT: Ah, a trick question. [laughter] Well, as you know -- or you should know -- if you’ve read your history books you’d know that there wasn’t a lot of newspapers back then -- there wasn’t a lot of paper. It was hard to come by. So if you wanted to advertise for a job, you made up a poster -- a Wanted poster, and you put it in the town square. And people looking for work would go to the town square to look at the Wanted posters because there were no newspapers. And people were like paper -- there weren’t a lot of them -- so it was like a joke. Wanted, Dead or Alive. But you really didn’t hire dead people. Except for Indians. There were a lot of dead Indians in the old West. Does that answer your question? There's an old saying in Washington -- I know it's in the Capital, probably in the beltway -- that says, depends on the meaning of what is is -- and "Wanted" is like "is" in the context of the old West.


TenaciousK said...

If he isn't going to read for inspiration, I wish he'd at least expand his movie selection.

"Wanted in fourteen counties of this state, the condemned is found guilty of the crimes of murder, armed robbery of citizens, state banks and post offices, the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison, perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children, inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion, receiving stolen goods, passing counterfeit money, and contrary to the laws of this state, the condemned is guilty of using marked cards in poker. Therefore, according to the powers vested in us, we sentence the accused here before us, [Osama Bin Ladino] Juan Maria Ramirez or any other aliases he might go by to hang by the neck until dead. May god have mercy on his soul, Proceed."

At least Sergio Leone understood irony. On that basis alone, I'm sure he would've made a much better president.

Ender said...

Q: So you’re saying the poster, the wanted dead or alive poster, is the equivalent of a help wanted ad?

THE PRESIDENT: That’s exactly it. The American people needed to know the steaks. Down in Texas steak is what’s for dinner -- that's the philosophy I brought to Washington -- everyone sitting at the table with a steak on their plate. Osama bin Laden helped me to achieve that goal -- bringing the steaks to Washington. He’s one of my better speech writers. If you listen to my speeches you’ll -- I talk about him, and I quote him. I don’t quote my other speech writers. I talk about them sometimes, but not in speeches. In speeches they write, but I don’t put them in quotes the way I put Osama bin Laden in quotes.

TenaciousK said...

Tenuous grip on reality? Or arrogant mendacity?

Hard to tell.

Elbo Ruum said...

OK, Ender, you've got the whole thwippy, "I'm not a good extemporaneous orator" vibe down pat. No question. However, your impression suffers from a complete lack of non-words made up by stringing various prefixes, suffixes, and roots together.

I'm afraid your Dubya impression must only get a B for this grotesque lack of such wonderous linguistic artifacts such as "stratagery", "misunderestimation", or putting things on your family.

Your response, however, by deftly transposing "stakes" with "steaks", shows a definitive improvement in your style.

JohnMcG said...

How could you have said to Micahael Brown in the middle of the Katrina recovery, "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."

First of all, it's important to rememeber that I said "heck of a", not "speck-a-tacalur," "great," or even "good." Maybe in the Upper West Side or here in Washington, "heck of a" is a compliment, but where I come from, a man who told a another man he was doing "a heck of a job" better be prepared to duck, if ya get my drift.

Beisdes, I was describing the job in the abstract, rather than Brown's partick-alur performance of that job. Can anyone deny that managing a massive relief effort is a "heck of a job?"

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